It's been a while

A lot has happened since my last post. I'm twenty two now. Fell in love with my handsome husband. Also Glory to my Savior Christ my God. Who found me and loves me. If it wasn't for these two in my life. I can truthfully say I don't know where I'll be in this moment. I'm beyond grateful.
I can say I'm happy and over joyed.

Lost

I want to run. Disappear and for no one to find me. My heart is racing and i feel sick to my stomach.

I was just told i will be in charged of a store once again. I dont want to. I really dont.

I hate how they assign me without asking if I'm available. Like really. Do you want me to cancel all my plans so i can help me.

But guess what. Im probably not going to even complaint to them. Thats how bad of a self defender of myself i am.

I need to learn how to take care of myself better. Speak upbfor myself. Not let others go over me and stomp on me. But i just don't know how.

My brain is working in over drive trying to think of an excuse to get out of it somehow. But i know there is no valid reason. They need me and im probably not going to say anything but of course. Yeah ill help. No problem at all.

its been a while

Hi everyone! It has been a great while since last time we have talked. A lot has happened in the last couple of months.

I'm no longer a manager since last month. The job was good. I got the hand of it a bit. It just I realized that I'm not ready for that kind of responsibility just yet. I still work for the company. Its good. Not working the crazy hours any longer which helps with the stress.

Not everything has been bad. Just last week I turned 21. I dared and asked for time off from work. Took a bus with a friend at 2 am after work. We left for San Diego. I would be lying if I said my nerves didn't betray me. Day one and I wanted to return home. But the next day I felt as I belonged there. it felt weird but I wasn't as scared.

For my birthday, I didn't go crazy. I went to the zoo. We where there for about four hours. Afterwards we went to the store and bought alcohol and a mini cake. Since I'm not used to alcohol didn't drink much. And also I got supper supper tired that I fell asleep. Well that was a great birthday even if I didn't get drunk.

month

Its been over a month since I have written. A lot has happened. I wish I could say all god but that's not true.
I got the promotion and I'm officially a manager since March 15. Almost a month in two days. A lot of stress has been added to my plate because of it. I would be lying if I said been great. I wanted to quit multiple times. I'm even debating it now.

It become the stress so bad that I can't stop biting my lips. Headaches and not able to eat properly. And like my boss said. The job is easy. Dealing with the workers and people is the hard part.

I broke down two days ago. Everything seems to be getting to me so much easier than usually. Little things will put me down.

I will continue to fight on. I love my co workers. I love my job. But I also need to love myself.
Lets keep pushing. Lets keep on living.

Another thing

Thank you so much! For being part of this journey. Thank you for bringing smiles on my face. Thank you reading!

Its been a while

Hi everyone. I can happily say that I been great the last month. I bit stressed but great. My boss wants to promote me at work. It will be much, much more responsibility. But I'm grateful for the opportunity. I will put all my hard work into it. I have also not broken down. I'm so happy and excited! With everything that is going on in my life. This would have brought me down quick months ago. But I am putting all my effort in getting better.

Well hopefully I'll be back soon to tell you if I managed the new position. All efforts in. Out of comfort zones. ITs Time to Live. Experience and Risk!

Heart beating

Good vibes! Going to work soon. Just wanted to express my stress for a sec. Going out for lunch with my friend. Going to talk to her. Hopefully about the topics I want to talk about. I need her at the moment. I got a bit disappointed yesterday when my other friend cancelled on me. She is the one that knows about my problem with my dark thoughts. I wish I could just tell her that I had a break down. But I realize now if I did that. I'll be taking steps back when I been good the last two weeks. I just wished I could talk to her in person. I don't like talking about my problems over texts.

Well its going to be a good day! Deep breathes. Everything is fine.